


Tourniquet

by LuthienLuinwe



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Joydick Weekend, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 14:56:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16518647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthienLuinwe/pseuds/LuthienLuinwe
Summary: After Tarantula, Dick is convinced Jason and Roy want nothing more to do with him. Weeks of hiding everything eventually come to a climax after a hookup attempt gone wrong. Luckily, Jason and Roy are there to pick up the pieces.





	Tourniquet

Hands on his body.  _ Don’t touch me.  _ Rain pouring down, making his suit cling to him, showing off more than it usually did.  _ Don’t touch me.  _ Her hands running down his chest and her hips moving against his even though he told her to stop.  _ I’m poison.  _ His pulse was pounding in his ears.  _ Pretend you’re somewhere else. Anywhere else... _

Dick woke with a start. But that wasn’t unusual. He hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in what felt like months. Someone was tangled around him, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. What if it was her? What if the past few weeks had all been some sick mind game? What if he’d never really gotten away? But it wasn’t her. He knew that. And it wasn’t one someone, but two.

The nightmare had gotten to him. It was always the same. Same rooftop. Same rainstorm. Same suit sticking to his skin and she pulled it off even though he told her not to and the same words running through his head over and over and over again. Same hips rocking back and forth against his.  _ That’s right baby. Quiet, mi amor. It’s all right baby… _

He took a deep, shaky breath and tried to calm his racing heart. It was still early. Three AM, according to the bright red letters on the alarm clock on his side of the bed. He tensed when he felt an arm drape across his chest. God, why did he ever agree to sleep in the middle of them? He’d always slept on the left before. Always. But Roy had to get up early for work, and so Dick had agreed to sleep between them so there would be less disruption in the morning.

Jason was snoring, and Roy had a bear hug on him. “You okay?” the redhead stirred, sleep still evident in his voice. And Dick wanted to push him away because the nightmares always brought up the bad feelings he’d once harbored toward him. Bad feelings he wasn’t sure were ever really going to go away.

“Fine,” he lied and tried to figure out how he could get up without disturbing Jason because the last thing he needed was for both of them to worry about him at the same time. He was fine. He was fine. He just needed to get away and breathe and get away and…. “Just a bad case at work.”

Roy frowned but didn’t press the issue, and Dick was never more grateful than when he moved away so he could get out of their bed.  _ Fuck,  _ he swore when he saw Jason stir. “Everything ‘kay?” the younger man asked.

“Bad dream,” Dick answered. “Go back to sleep.”

Bad dream. God he couldn’t have picked worse words. No one knew nightmares quite as well as Jason Todd. And Jason had shot up as soon as he’d heard the words, and God, Dick just should have kept his damned mouth shut about everything… “That’s like the third time this week,” Jason frowned. “Want to talk about it?”

“No,” Dick shook his head and pretended not to see the worried glances his boyfriends shared before leaving their bedroom and heading out to their living room. He opened the sliding doors leading to their Juliet balcony and leaned over the railing, breathing in the cool night air.

He never should have agreed to stay in Bludhaven. He never should have moved Jason and Roy in with him. He should have gone back to Gotham or they should have gone to Star City or anywhere other than Bludhaven. Because he could still see that damned building, or at least what was left of it, from their window. And he could still feel her on top of him and he could still feel her hands on his skin even though he’d told her to stop.

“Hey,” he jumped when he heard Jason’s voice, soft and controlled as if he were dealing with a scared kitten. “You okay?”

“Fine, Jay,” Dick answered without turning to face him. What was the point? Jason would just see the fear that Dick knew was etched on his face and that would only escalate the situation. “Got a cigarette?”

“You don’t smoke,” Jason frowned, but the glare Dick shot him must have been enough for Jason to hand one over and light it.

“Thanks,” Dick sighed and took a long drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs up. He exhaled, watched as a puff traveled out of his mouth, out toward the city below. The city where  _ she  _ still was.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No,” he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to pretend that nothing had happened and he wanted to forget anything had ever happened and he wanted to feel clean again and he couldn’t do that if people kept pressuring him.

Everything would have been so much easier if he could just forget.

“Okay,” Jason sighed. “Roy and I are here though. If you ever change your mind.”

He wouldn’t. “Thanks, Jay,” he sighed and stared out at the empty street below them.  _ It’s all right baby. _

It wasn’t.

Nothing was ever going to be all right again.

* * *

It had been a long day at work. Nothing too exciting had happened, but Dick was still drained from everything. He unlocked the door to the apartment and threw his jacket on the floor. Jason would be pissed that he didn’t hang it up (honestly, Jason wasn’t his damned mother and shouldn’t have to act like it), but he didn’t care.

“Hey,” Roy grinned and immediately wrapped his arms around Dick’s waist. He fought the urge to tense up. Even weeks later, touch still freaked him out. “Good day at work?”

“Was fine,” he lied and shut his eyes when Jason hugged him from behind. For a moment he wondered what had gotten into them. And then he remembered. It had been three weeks since Tarantula. It had been damned near a month since the last time they’d been together.

“We missed you,” Jason whispered in his ear, and before Dick knew what was going on, he was pushed onto their bed and he was trying to stay calm because he could trust them and he knew them and they weren’t her and he was dirty and used and no one was ever going to love him again…

And Roy’s mouth was on his neck. “It’s been so long,” he said and Dick tried to keep from panicking because it would just upset them. And it had been over a month and he was just being selfish and Jason was kissing him and he couldn’t breathe.

“You okay?” Jason frowned when he broke the kiss, and Dick just nodded because he knew that was the answer Jason wanted. And Jason was kissing him again and Roy was sliding his hands under his shirt and he had shoved Roy back harder than he had meant to and he felt his heart sink when he heard the hard thud that accompanied the fall.

“Dick, what the hell?” Roy’s voice came from the floor, and Jason was trying to grab him by the arms just like she had pinned him down and he tried to shove Jason away too, but Jason grabbed him before he could.

“Let go of me,” he pleaded, and he hated how weak he sounded because they were going to find out and they were going to hate him forever because he was dirty and he was used and  _ You and I both know you’re only good for one thing… _

“You gonna hurt yourself?” Jason asked and Dick shook his head even though he wasn’t really sure if it was the truth or not. “You gonna hurt one of us?” Jason pressed and Dick shook his head again, and he felt like he could breathe at least a little better when Jason let go of him.

“What’s going on, Dickiebird?” Roy frowned and moved so he was back on the bed, back next to him and Jason. And he tried to leave. He tried to get away, really he did, but Jason blocked the door and he crumpled to the ground and didn’t even fight it when Roy pulled him into a tight hug that he just wanted to break out of.

“Dick, what the hell is going on?” Roy asked, his voice gentle in a way Dick had only heard a handful of times. “You’re scaring the hell out of me.”

He shook his head and buried his face into Jason’s shoulder. They couldn’t find out. They could never find out. They wouldn’t believe him. No one would ever believe him. He was a damned superhero, for God’s sake, and he couldn’t fight off the girl he was supposed to have been training.

They wouldn’t believe him.

They’d laugh at him.

They’d leave him.

“Is this about Blockbuster?” Jason asked, and Dick felt his blood run cold. He started to nod, but shook his head instead because none of it would have happened if he would have just intervened… It was his fault. He should have stopped her. He should have… “Dick, it wasn’t your fault, okay? You couldn’t have done anything…”

“After,” he choked and screwed his eyes shut and grabbed a handful of Roy’s shirt, trying to focus on how the fabric felt in his hands. Soft. Cotton. Cheap. “After she… We were… I…”

“Dick, babe, you aren’t making any sense,” Roy said, voice still low, careful. And Dick flinched away when the older man tried to run a hand through his hair.

“I told her no,” Dick said, voice barely above a whisper. And when Jason and Roy were silent, he couldn’t help but wonder if they’d even heard him. “I told her no,” he repeated, louder that time. And Jason tried to pull him closer, and Dick pulled away and hugged his knees to his chest, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Shit,” Roy breathed, and Dick watched as he ran a hand through his bright red hair. “Shit…”

And Jason’s teeth were gritted, and Dick had never seen Jason look that upset in his life, and it was all his fault… “I’ll fucking kill her,” he growled. “I’ll fucking do it.”

“Don’t,” Dick choked out. He already had one death on his hands. He didn’t need another, even if he would sleep thousands of times better at night knowing she could never get to him again. He watched Jason nod, and Dick relaxed, if only a little bit. 

“Want me to kill her?” Roy asked, and Dick shook his head again.

Why did he have to go and open his damned mouth? Everything would have been so much easier if he’d just kept quiet about everything, if he just tried to forget that anything had ever happened.

Everything would have been so much easier. They never would have found out. They'd never worry about him. Why should they worry about him? He was perfect. He did no wrong. Dick Grayson was an angel sent from God himself. Or at least that's what everyone always told him.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Roy asked and moved so he was sitting across from Dick, legs folded up under him. From the corner of his eye, Dick could see Jason pacing back and forth. He'd leave ruts in the carpet. They'd lose their security deposit...

Dick shook his head. How could he explain? He'd barely been able to choke out what few words he had before. "I'm sorry," he shut his eyes tightly. "I'm so, so sorry."

“You didn’t do anything,” Jason shook his head and ran his fingers through Dick’s hair.

Dick kept his eyes shut. He wanted to believe Jason. He really did. But he felt wrong and dirty, and why didn’t they hate him? Shouldn’t they have hated him?

“Want me to kill her?” Jason asked, and Dick forced himself to look in the younger man’s eyes. Nothing suggested he was joking. He shook his head and leaned further into Roy’s grip.

“Want me to kill her?” Roy asked, cocking an eyebrow, and Dick shook his head again. “We’re here, Dickiebird. We’re here no matter what.”

He’d never been more grateful to hear it.


End file.
